i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
