I am puke
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
