Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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