Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
