I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
