so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
