i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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