You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
