It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
