Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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