I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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