I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
