I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
