Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
