i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize