no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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