I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
