you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
