The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
