I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He shit in the fireplace
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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