hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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