There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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