Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize