I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
