I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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