I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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