meet me or not, i'm out of control
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
