You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
