Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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