she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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