Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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