Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
