She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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