Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
