Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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