you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
