you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Found your dick twin last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
