kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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