Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
