I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm passing your future prison.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
