Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
