Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
