She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
