Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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