dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
