Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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