before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
