"it" just moved
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
