I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
