I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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