she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
