I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
