So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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