Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
this boner is exhausting
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
