He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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