did you get engaged???
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
