I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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