the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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