Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize