I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
