How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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