had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
