so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
