he puts the penis in happiness.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
